Monday, September 12, 2011
Change of font, change of size, change of everything.
It's already 8 months since my last post.
Just look at what I have done already:
NCS, check.
JGs, oh crap, never mind.
SYF, check.
School performance, check.
RMUN, check.
2 Prelims, check.
And now it's the middle of Prelim 3.
So many things have happened, has it not?
And the person whose blog you're reading now could probably be a different person already.
Perhaps this is how face-paced life can be...
Anyway...who missed me?
-You Yuan
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -6:55 AM
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I haven't posted in this blog for a really long time, let alone the serious posting.
But since it's 2011 already, when everything get much harder and tougher, I just thought I would put down my thoughts on certain things, while I still have a little time.
So today, I want to divide my post into 4 parts: Studies, CO, Debates, and life in general.
Studies
The same goal of getting straight A1s, the same dream of becoming the best of the best, and the same target of getting into one of the top JCs [by preference, RI] after 'O' Levels have never left my mind.
I really want to work hard for these goals, but the same memory of the times when hard work never paid off, and no good deed went unpunished, just could never be forgotten, never be unseen.
I really want to be able to prove my capabilities, and use my abilities to truly earn what I want, but somehow, everything seems to go against me, and even my own circumstances will screw me here and there, over and over again.
This time however, I've had enough.
Slacking is not going to help anyway. This time, I will work even harder. If I have to use every [legal] means possible, I will.
CO
When Wilson said that I was almost indispensable in our section, as the whole of Erhu 2 seemed to be dead when I'm not around. I actually had mixed feelings.
On one hand, I realise I actually have an important role in CO now. But on the other hand...what happens when I'm gone in 4 months time? Worse still, what happens if I can no longer be around for CO, due to other circumstances? Does this mean SYF is screwed?
Much as I may be a key player, no matter how good I am, at the end of the day, I'm just another Erhu player. I cannot hope to tank so many people. This is why I actually find Wilson's aim of being fully prepared for SYF at the end of this month...reasonable.
Gold with Honours for SYF this year will be much harder. I still hope we can make it.
Debates
"Why to I treasure debates this much?" Sometimes I find myself asking this, and then, each and every time, I conclude: Because I am just surviving on the opportunities that others have thrown away. And then, it becomes harder to think that I actually earned my opportunities myself. Come to think of it, if Nan Zheng, Hao Zhe, Chee Kiang and Shawn Lee didn't leave debates, the very thought of me actually coming close to having a chance would never pass through anyone's mind
I only have 2-3 months to catch up on a 2 year gap. Only 1 chance left to prove myself. I guess that means, I'm going to have to work hardest here.
Previously, I wanted to catch up with Sheldon, get to his level at least. But then, I decided that actually, what really mattered to me was only outdoing myself each and every time I debate, getting significantly better and better each time. And then, I realised that there was no room for comparison. Different person, different standards.
My circumstances screwed me twice. Never will that happen again.
My life
I wonder how I'm going to manage my life from now on. Definitely not the way I used to do it, but definitely in a better way. I simply want to be better in every way, stronger, faster, smarter, you name it, I want it.
Yet, people can actually get desperate for something this simple.
I want to be prefect. By all means, I will be.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -4:00 AM
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Bloody hell, about time I revived my blog.
Never mind.
I haven't got anything new recently.
Boredom.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -6:28 AM
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Chinese 'O' Level Exam progress:
Oral-Done
Listening Comprehension-Done
So now I only have the written papers left.
I haven't got anything interesting to post these days...
But never mind, I will keep you updated if something interesting happens to me.
For now...I disappear back into the shadows.
You Yuan
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -5:24 AM
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
This post probably came too late, but oh well...
A demonstration on artificial resurrection, maybe?
Anyway...
Holidays: Let's not talk too much...
Studies: 'O' Level Chinese. Enough said.
CO: Still okay...
Debates: WHEN WILL MY TURN COME?!
RMUN: Never mind, I still have next year...
Okay...I end here for the moment.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -7:05 AM
Sunday, May 23, 2010
To those going overseas: Have fun!
Too late.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -6:48 AM
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Once again I feel so lonely...
So worthless...
Devoid of any meaning and value...
I'm getting impatient.
I'm trying...nothing works...
I...I...
...Don't know what to do...
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -7:47 AM
Friday, April 16, 2010
Hello everybody.
How have you all been lately?
Things haven't been going well for me.
In fact, probably quite badly.
This is what exactly happened:
1. Failed BOTH physics and chemistry class tests.
2. I think I lost a friend. This time it seem to be real.
3. Maths class test 9 failed. 2 careless mistakes...
4. Many other things just won't go my way...
My luck was always bad, but this time...
Yesterday was the Student Leader's Investiture.
Mostly it was a waste of time, but...as I looked on in utter disgust, there was something else that came to mind.
People around me are making achievements. They become leaders, they win competitions, they get good grades, they become the best at their CCAs, and so on...
But what have I achieved?
Nothing.
NOTHING.
And now I begin to question my abilities.
What can I achieve...?
I do not want to be forever overshadowed by others, overlooked forever.
But do I have a chance?
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -8:49 PM
Friday, March 12, 2010
End of Term 1.
So...to sum up what I felt about this term...
1. CA1 results
I'm not satisfied actually, considering that I should have at least got 4 A1s and ended with 1. [History was particularly horrifying]
But oh well, it's much better than what happened at this time last year.
I won't post my results here. If you want to know ask me personally.
2. The 2 Learning Journeys
Kampong Glam was quite fun. Just that I think I made too many racist remarks on the way. Reminder: With the Taliban comes the IRA.
Oh, and I ate too much that day, didn't feel well for the afternoon.
Then about the one to the Swiss club...
Cheese fondue was tasty. Chocolate fondue was delicious. The Ribena provided was of the right concentration.
But then, I DIDN'T GET TO DO SWISS WRESTLING!!! F***!!!
Never mind.
I think I will post the rest later...
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -4:51 AM
Friday, January 29, 2010
It's a full moon tonight...
Today, it is very bright...the brightest I have seen for months...years...
So distinct from the stars and the clouds...
The stars too...
And the wind...
The scenery...
The feeling...
Such beauty...
I can't decribe it with words...
I really haven't seen such a bright full moon for a long time...
Each night I look out into the sky, hoping that I could receive renewed strength and inspiration...
...And even turn into the perfect man I desired to become...
The scenery, the wind, the stars...
The moon...
The moon...the moon...
That feeling...
Is there still hope afterall...?
Will everything be fine once again...?
If only the answer could be gotten.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -5:16 AM
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Everything's different now.
So I'm much busier.
Just keeping this blog alive...
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -12:51 AM
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Year everyone!!
Another year gone...
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -8:35 PM
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I came back from Malaysia 2 days ago.
But now in a few hours time, I'm gone for debate camp.
"..."
Anyway please don't contact me. Thank you.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -6:05 PM
Friday, December 4, 2009
IMPORTANT NOTE: I WILL BE AWAY IN MALAYSIA FROM TOMORROW ONWARDS.
For the next week, please do not attempt to contact me. You can try, but you should know how expensive overseas calls are. DON'T BOTHER.
Any issue, please state on my tag board, or on MSN.
P.S. Sheldon, I will pass you the $20 for debate camp as soon as possible once I come back. That is, if I can even make it.
I still haven't started my holiday homework...damn slow.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -4:00 AM
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I've run out of ways to start a post.
Maybe that's why my blog is quite dead. With lots of red sauce [quoted from Yunda's blog].
"......"
Oh well, my still haven't found another blog skin that I liked [despite all the complaints on my blog skin].
Anyway, remember what I said about the Top 5 articles? Forget it.
I seriously can't think of any.
Red sauce. Indeed. Tomato ketchup, chili sauce, blood.
Anyway I'm keeping this blog alive now. Will update more later.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -1:58 AM
Friday, November 20, 2009
I just came back from CO camp. [Sheldon in case you don't know, that's why I didn't go debate training, sorry.]
Just one week after class chalet.
And within days, my 二胡 Grade 6 exam is coming. I have to increase practice now.
Then I still have to consider other factors...[Debate, school HW, tuition HW etc]
Oh well.
Might as well keep myself occupied this holiday.
CO camp was very tiring by the way. My feet, particularly.
Anyway, I haven't got much to post, so I'll consider which Top 5 to start first.
Keep waiting. It won't take long...
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -8:15 PM
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Class chalet is a f*** up, but oh well, this won't be happening again.
I really want to hit a few people in the face...
Anyway, as 2-3 2009 comes to a close, I might as well sum up my experiences in these two years.
I'm going to do it differently, though. I will do it in the form of a few "top 5" articles.
Top 5 for different experiences.
That will come later though.
I've got nothing much to post now.
But anyway...
If you had seen Nigel's blog, yes, I DID say "Go to Hell!!" to Choon Chi.
If you want justification come to me.
Okay that's all I have for now...will update more later.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -12:35 AM
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Yesterday was supposed to be a nice day, a nice ending to the school year of 2009.
At least, I thought it was supposed to be. Turns out otherwise.
The result I saw in the report book was a big, shock.
35th in class among 38, level position 243th, among 333 people.
"Failure is not an option." -One of my earlier posts.
Turns out I still have to take it.
How hopeless I feel.
I set my target at top 10 early this year.
Now I get bottom 10. Again.
I tried so hard to get into triple science.
Now if I don't appeal, I'm accepting combined science, thrown straight in my face.
Whatever I threw in all my effort for, the opposite came true.
I don't know what to do next.
Every moment seems to get more and more painful.
Nothing seems to be nice for me.
I've had enough.
I'm tired.
I'm stuck.
I'm finished.
For good.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -3:46 AM
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Gone.
Finished.
Doomed.
Somehow the words above seems very familiar.
Almost integrated into me and my life.
With every moment I feel more and more hopeless.
The path ahead seems dark and lonely. Maybe even painful.
This week has been a very harsh lesson on how far hard work and ambition takes a person.
In my case, nowhere.
I can only hope that I can still get an A1 for my Geography paper. [At least 45/60]
Not likely though.
My results have been relatively bad. Especially Science.
I studied so damn bloody hard for SA2, and this is all I get?!
I failed the Science paper for a start. Last in class in fact. History repeats itself, by the way.
Then Chinese...I passed, but still not satisfied. C5...still more than half the class beat me...
Maths...f*** I just couldn't get and A1!! 2 marks more only!!
English...still quite low, despite a B4.
F*** I think I'm finished.
Combined Science for sure next year.
All hopes of even trying to get into RJC 2 years later are gone. F***ing GONE!!
I'm finished!
I have really met a dead end, along with a "No U-turn" sign.
I feel hopeless. Utter failure.
And its not just my studies I feel f***ed up.
I've been going on a soccer/basketball frenzy to take away the pain and fear within. I even find myself turning to food and drinks to make myself more comfortable.
Soon I'm going to need beer. Maybe even whiskey.
My world is crashing right in front of me, and I can do nothing to save it.
Such is the shattered dreams of an ambitious man.
What should I do next?
How is my future going to be?
Someone answer me.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -5:01 AM
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Blog Action Day post [Acting on Climate Change]
You know, the second last time I went to the beach, I notice that the sea level wasn't that low. The last time I went there, however, it so seems that the sea level has risen...again.
Look, I understand that we need more water. There is a rising demand of water. But if that comes at the expense of the North and South Poles, which are among the most affected by such climate change, then I think something is wrong. VERY WRONG.
You see, the impact of the climate change we experience is OBVIOUS, and we risk many UNDESIRABLE events that may occur as a consequence. Let's take a look at them one by one:
Flooding. The most immediate problem. Just think of the people living in low-lying coastal areas. Do you honestly want them to end up facing a situation where they have to flee to higher, potentially inhabitable grounds, or DROWN? And even if you don't care about these people, surely you wouldn't want other facilities that you use, such as recreational places, to be lost as a result of rising sea levels, DO YOU?
Loss of agriculture. Please, don't think we can take the water from the rising sea, desalinate it, and use it to irrigate plants. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY THAT FOOLISH? While areas near water bodies are going to suffer from "too much water", other places, like farms, are going to suffer from droughts, which means "weather too hot, too little water". When that happens, pants will simply shrivel up and die, and we will suffer from a lack of food, or other necessities. Imagine how painful that is.
Lack of food. Not only do we not have plants for food, we will also lose the animals we breed for farming, because these animals, such as chickens and cows, with suffer from a shortage of food and water, and will only drop dead, only in a matter of time. So we have nothing to eat, and will starve. It will no longer be surprising if we too DROP DEAD if the climate change is not solved.
Thirst. The biggest problem. How would you feel if you are dying from thirst now? Terrible right. Water is essential, and we need water. I have no need to elaborate further.
That's not the end of problems imposed, believe me.
Fortunately, there are ways out, and I will put them across simply.
1. Do not use coolants, such as fridges and air-cons unnecessarily because they emit chlorofluorocarbons [CFCs], a greenhouse gas.
2. Say no to aerosol sprays. Same substance.
3. Eat less beef. Cows contain methane, another greenhouse gas.
4. Install filters in vehicle exhaust pipes.
And the list goes on...
Now, on the the topic of Barack Obama leading the act on climate change.
I myself never supported Obama, at any circumstances, because to me, his policies just wouldn't work, and he is only capable of impressing the people by his ability to speak. Yes, I backed John McCain.
In fact, I don't think he deserves the Nobel Prize for Peace. In fact, I think it's the same thing as awarding it to Kim Jong-Il.
But now that the U.S. has to cut emission of greenhouse gases first, and most, and that many people support Obama worldwide, I think Obama is then responsible of leading such an act. For the sake of the world, he has to do it. The U.S. has to lead.
But overall, we ourselves still have to play a part, because we are the ones affected. Just think of it...
Let's start, will we?
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -7:32 AM
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Over the concern of danger and controversial issues, I have no choice but to take down my previous post, much as I don't want to. Oh well, safety first.
But even as of now, I can swear that none of my posts was made with any intention to offend anyone. Look, I post what is fair to me, but I won't go overboard. So having to remove my post is taken as an insult.
Therefore, the next article I will do [within the next few posts] will be about "Fairness, right to opinion, any why it's about time we incorporate them in our society".
Anyway, EOY exams [SA2] is over, and I don't think I will make anymore comment on the papers.
Just now I went out with Sheldon, Boh Jun, Chee Kiang etc. First time with classmates. EVER.
Basically it was: lunch at Mac, movie [Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs], and basketball [I'm getting from bad to worse...].
Anyway my feet hurts now, but never mind that.
I've got nothing else to post. How short.
So I'll end here. Remember to keep checking this blog of mine for updates, and comment on the tag board. Thanks a HELL LOT.
Signed: Your father, CYY
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -4:34 AM
Friday, September 18, 2009
"Some people do everything but get nothing.Yet others do nothing but get everything."
Anyway, simple posting is back!! [Good news to me.]
"Some people use their brains to get what they want. Some others use their looks to get what they want. Yet others use other people to get what they want. Still there are some people who use money. The rest use their fists and weapons."
Anyway, this means that I would post more often now. But not so quick. Maybe within 1 [more or less] week I stop posting. Yeah you know why [SA2].
"In desperate times, justice is no more than a shadow in which sick, demented things hide within..."
Anyway I will focus this post on 2 things:
1. Exam experiences and what I seriously need to get.
2. Incoming class chalet.
"To hit and run is cowardly. To hit and escape for safety is just pure instinct."
Anyway, let me begin.
I HAVE TO F***ING BRING MY L1R4 DOWN TO A 1-DIGIT NUMBER. At the very least, to get into Double [or even Triple, if possible] Science.
Otherwise, let's see what happens.
Either...
1. I end up in Combined Science, where even if I get a L1R5 of 2 [assuming I still took Higher Chinese], I can never get into RJC [I really want to go to that JC]. NOT EVEN BY DIRECT SCHOOL ADMISSION.
2. Even worse, I may get "deported" to Whitely Secondary School...Trust me, that's 8 years [Primary school included] of studies and efforts wasted. And I have no more face to see the world ever again...
It's not just about Science, by the way. Chinese is also one worry...
All the mugging I had done for Chinese all went to waste so far. Yes, ALL.
Ever since the sudden A2 to C6 drop last year, all efforts to improve NEVER worked.
I really need to stay in Higher Chinese. At the very least, if I want to try to get into RJC.
I want to get into a top junior college, not some random one, or even a polytechnic, or even ITE [Institute of Technical Education=It's THE END!!].
So for SA2, Science and Chinese are my main concerns. Let's look at my other subjects...
English: Should be okay, hopefully the timed practices work.
Geography: No real worry. I get the facts and the techinques right, WIN.
Maths: Once my biggest problem, now my only A1 if all else goes wrong.
Mabye I will consider taking Music for Pure Humanities next year. But anyway...
"The last resort, Operation "Final Gamble", Codenamed "Wager Everything", begins. The fate of CYY's world lies in the outcome of the mission. Failure is NOT an option."
Now I move on to the incoming class chalet.
I really would have preferred the class chalet to be on 30/10, because I need the WHOLE of November to practice my 二胡.
I have an instrumental exam in late November/early December by the way.
However, it seem that people want to have the chalet later...
No choice, if really cannot, worst case I practice there.
"The persecution of some people is a harsh reminder to society that if people don't like your face, you go NOWHERE in life."
Oh well, better focus on the exams first. I need to survive.
"If people want to destroy you, they WILL do EVERYTHING to destroy you."
Good Night.
Your [Adopted] Father, Cheah You Yuan [CYY].
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -7:58 AM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Now that I think of it, there is something I should have posted about much earlier. Something that really disappointed me...
In this post, I will be talking about biasness and how it still exists among us...
Earlier on, I read both Jun Sheng's blog and Melvin's blog, about there is a lot of things lacking in 2-3's class spirit as a whole, about how 2-3 is far from together as 1 class. You know, I really have to agree...
You see, I think I know why both of them feel this way...and that's why I'm writing about this topic.
I already felt that biasness exists in this class for quite some time. For a start, if you observe enough, why is it that insults on some people are forgotten in an instant, and yet insults on others never seems to end?
Why is it that some people can get away with things they done wrong, and yet others take the blame for even the most minor of issues?
How come some people can take FULL credit for the work of others?
Biasness. Ostracizing. Maybe even PERSECUTION...that's the only explanation I can offer.
And I'm not the only one who feels that way.
"In class 2-3, only the popular are treated as human."
-Wen Zuo
Let me just start from personal experience.
How come some others can get away for rude remarks in class, and yet I have apologize for something that, I can swear, is not even half as insulting?
Yes, to me, the very root for this is Mrs Lim. Yes, LIM CHOON CHI.
Let's look at speech and LOTR project...
I personally took the speech thing very seriously. I placed all my hopes in speech to get a higher grade for English. To ensure a high score for speech, I edited my speech twice to make sure nothing was wrong. I personally rehearsed my speech countless times before my turn. I made sure I finished my speech the way I wanted it.
As I listened to the speeches of others, I was also trying to get my cards in place, trying to remember my speech.
I understand that some of the top scorers for speech [Sheldon, Benedict etc] did really well, better than me. That I have nothing to say.
But what I saw [the marks given for speech] was an insult to my efforts.
For all my preparations, all my rehearsals, every bit of all the effort I put in...for what I felt was the best I could do, I only got 22/40. I really felt insulted.
Look, I am a debater, I learn to make speeches, and to get this score, it is downright embarrassing.
Even people who did worse than Wen Zuo [who failed, unfortunately] got better scores than me.
Something really is wrong at that point of time. At least, to me it is.
Yet Choon Chi can just find some retarded, unconvincing, even contradicting excuse to get away with such unfair scores.
Next I move on to LOTR project.
Hao Ran did the least, although I don't blame him, by circumstance
To end it all, Hao Ran got the highest score among us. [An insult to Wen Zuo, who did the most.]
Let me move on to something that happened to me last year.
Last year we had to write journals, right?
One topic happened to be about someone you dislike.
Both me and Andrew got into a bit of trouble, for directing attacks on other classmates [Nicholas in his case, Nigel in my case]. Yet...
Although his was way more insulting than mine [I think], he still got 6/10. I got ZERO.
And that's not the last of the persecution I received.
Let me move on to some other people.
The Class Chairman/Vice-chairman position in CHS Class 2-3 is a cursed position, anybody who has been a leader before would know. If you had any sympathy for other people, you will realize how much shit Dylan and Darren got last year [Darren in particular], the stress Jun Sheng is facing now, and to some extent, why there isn't a Vice-Chairman in class.
Most of the class seems to hate Nicholas over just ONE [And ONLY ONE] incident. Yet the people get into even more trouble are some of the more popular ones. Nicholas isn't that bad anyway.
For a period of time last year, Cher Han was really abused. He received insults all the time, whether in school, or online. Then he also gets beaten. Punishment really means nothing to protect him. It only means more trouble for him. Until now, he still receive insults quite a lot, am I right?
Wen Zuo. Another good example. Look, I know some people don't like him because he is absent from school quite a few times. And people like Jian Ming keeps making "the sound" [no offence Wen Zuo] to irritate him. I am not trying to protect what is one of my best friends here, but...why him? Furthermore, it's easy to tell how Choon Chi dislikes him in particular.
This also happens to Yin Zhi, though on a lesser scale. If you are awake in class usually, you should know, the "itchy hand" and what Yu Fei and Andrew did to his jacket.
And that's NOT the end of the list.
Now I talk about people who benefit from this issue.
I know that some people really benefit from Choon Chi [Sheldon, Eugene etc], and I know they deserve it. That I have no negative comment.
But when people like Nigel, You Kuan and some other usual troublemakers in class gets the benefit of getting away for smaller mistakes [I have nothing to say for the really big offences, though], and others don't, don't you think...
I know Nigel didn't get away with the class blog for last year, but look, he [and some others] did benefit from the blog at the expense of others, and while he did get punished, we didn't get anything better? I also know You Kuan and Cher Kian got into deep trouble for the "Classroom Door" incident, although I DON't think it's them alone.
I heard that the kind of jobs [and easy role, or a position people suffer hard from] you got for Homecoming depended on your relationship with Lucas, who was in charge of the duty list. This came from only one source though, and I have yet to clarify this.
Coming to think about it, the posters I drew for Homecoming, while they were put up, I know Choon Chi didn't appreciated them, while less creative [but to be honest, better drawn], posters from others were liked by her.
There are other people who receive such benefits, whether deserved or not. But look, if this comes at the expense of others, something is wrong, isn't it?
And even for some people who deserve the benefits, some are seriously overprotected, whether they like it or not. [No offence to any of the really good people in class, really.]
Is that not biasness?
Is that not unfair?
Is there ANY proof that biasness doesn't exist in our class?
If there is, show me. I challenge ANYONE to prove that the class is fair and just to me.
P.S. This article is created without any intention to harm anybody in any way. CYY will NOT claim any responsibility for any resentment, unhappiness or inconveniences that results from this article. He is, however, open to all opinions from all readers.
P.S.S. Any attempt to get CYY into trouble with any authority over this article will be deemed an insult to CYY and this blog, and will be dealt with harshly WITHOUT ANY HESITATION.
P.S.S.S. Special Thanks to a certain source, who shall remain anonymous in order to protect his identity, for part of the content. Also, thanks to You Kuan, for helping me clear up a few misconceptions I had.
BTW, Wen Zuo has an extension, look at his blog.
What's YOUR definition of FEAR? -4:45 AM
